A little slice of…

Bread? Cake? Chocolate? Tell me god damn it what are you craving? 

I just want something and I can’t seem to figure it out. 

Pineapple? Cheese? Lasagne?

No. 

Ham? Onion?….

I give up. 

I’m just going to lay in bed til the feeling goes away. 

Baby is sleeping, house is quiet, for now.

I’m just rambling. What has my life become. It’s like every day is just a survival game. Getting through each phase of the test until the final dash to the pillow. And when my head hits the pillow I picture myself standing on a podium waving to the millions of people in the crowd. I did it. I made it through the day. The judge places a medal around my neck. But then suddenly I look to my right, and wait, theres someone else standing in first place. Her hair is perfectly trimmed and coloured, her nails are all the same length and she is wearing her perfectly breastfed baby in a sling on her hip. I look down and see my baby has just vomited all over my already dirty jumper. My hair is frizzier than if I had put my finger in a toaster and I’m wearing makeup from 3 days ago. What’s that smell? It’s poo that has exploded up my babies back while the perfectly smiley baby next to us rest her head gently on her perfectly perfect mothers breasts. 

Suddenly making it through the day doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I need to get up and hang the washing that’s been sitting in the washer for more than 24 hours. 

Na, that can wait. 

Goodnight. 

Losing friends

Do you ever get that feeling that the friends you have are only superficial. 

I have been going through some pretty upsetting dramas with these so called friends and I’ve come to realise that it is not important how many friends you have but the quality of the ones you have. 

My son is almost 5 months old and I have friends who have not met him, and haven’t really made any effort to even check in with me and ask how I am. 

It’s bizarre to me that they would not want to even meet him. Then again I am bias.

We invited all our friends to his baptism and most of them said no. 

I’m at the point where I am just over it. My family are so important to me and they care about me and Max. They can’t wait more than a couple of days to see us. That’s the kind of love you should surround yourself with. 

5 months my baby has been in this world. Not a single, “hey how u feeling?” Or “how’s Bub?”

Am I overreacting? 

Should I be the one texting them? 

I don’t know. But who needs the drama when you have a baby to look after, a house to clean, and a hubby to love. Not me. 

Struggle town

  
I’m writing to you from struggle town. 

Getting out of bed today was not easy. 

It’s past lunch time and I’ve done nothing. Watched some YouTube clips of vegan raw recipes (I’m not vegan) and ate left over tuna bake. I just had a shower and stood under the water aimlessly for about 30 min. 

For some reason I keep getting the urge to go back to bed. Resist I must. 

Hubby will be back from ‘dads group’ soon. He is productive. He is not failing at life today. 

That is all. 

Yikes

So I feel like I’m failing big time at this blog. It must happen all the time though. People make promises they can’t keep. Or does life just take over? 

Either way I will try harder.

Max is almost 5 months old now. And he is amazing, hard work, but amazing. Look at him! I made this?! 

  

White choc cookies

I mean, honestly do these even need an explanation. They are so delicious and barely last a couple of days in our house. You can add nuts like macadamias or walnuts but I find these are perfect just as they are. Nom nom nom….

What you will need

3 cups plain flour

3/4 cup white sugar

1 cup brown sugar

175 grams butter softened

2 eggs

1 tablespoon vanilla

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

350 grams white chocolate chips

1 large bowl

1 medium bowl

wooden spoon

metal spoon

2 large baking trays

non stick baking paper

wire rack

spatula

1. Pre-heat oven to 170 degrees fan forced
2. In a large bowl, cream together the soft butter and eggs until smooth. It might look like it is not combining 100% but thats fine, just get the butter and eggs broken up enough that they will mix easily with the sugar
3. Add the white sugar and brown sugar and mix until well combined
4. Add vanilla and combine
5. In a separate medium sized bowl measure out flour and add salt and baking soda, mix briefly to combine
6. Add flour to wet mixture a bit at a time until all combined
7. Add the white chocolate chips. I used large buttons so I chopped them up before adding them to the mix
8. With a metal spoon, measure out balls and place on baking tray. I squash them a little with my finger so they spread a little more evenly when baked.
9. Bake for between 7-10 min, although judge by your oven. Mine is very hot so doesn’t take long, more towards the 7-8 min. It might take up to 13 min in a different oven so just be patient and look for a slight golden colour. Also I look for the centre of the cookie to look cooked, sometimes you can tell the if middle isn’t quite done, if so, return to oven for another 1-2 min.
10. When done, use thin spatula to move them from baking tray to a wire rack. They will harden within 5-10 min and then you can move them onto a plate or into a container. If you like them soft you can put a lid on container but if you like them crunchy then leave them to cool completely before putting them away. The steam from being hot will soften them if there is a lid on.

Meatloaf

This is kind of a make it up as you go along recipe. The basic principle is having minced meat as the foundation, egg and breadcrumb to bind and pretty much any kind of vegetable or flavouring you like. I usually check out what’s in the fridge as it is a great opportunity to use up things that are on their way out. Carrot, zucchini and peas are always nice in meatloaf, but be creative! I always have beef mince in the freezer as it is a go-to meat when you are on a tight budget. It can be spread out over a lot of different meals. If you pop it into a pasta sauce it can last you up to around 10 serves depending on how saucy you like your pasta. This time I used 1kg of mince and it will make 9 serves of meatloaf, which is pretty good if you ask me. Have a go at this recipe, it’s super yummy!

What you will need

1 kg beef mince

2 eggs

2 carrots grated

1 large onion diced

3 bacon rashers diced

3 tablespoons relish or chutney

1 tablespoon garlic minced

1 sachet of burrito or taco spice mix (40g)

3 tablespoons breadcrumbs

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 tablespoons of tomato sauce

Salt to taste

Ground pepper to taste

1 large bowl

1 basting brush

1 baking dish

1. Preheat oven to 160 degrees fan forced
2. In a large bowl combine mince, bacon, carrot, onion, garlic, relish, eggs, breadcrumbs, burrito/taco seasoning, salt/pepper
3. Mix well with your hands or with a wooden spoon. I find it much easier using your hands to get all the ingredients combined.
4. Drizzle the bottom of a baking dish with olive oil and empty meat mix into dish, smoothing down with wooden spoon or hands. You want to make sure you press the meat firmly into the dish as you do not want it to crumble too much when you go to serve it.
5. Cover the dish with foil and pop it into the oven for 30 min. I always set a timer as I usually walk away and forget it!
6. After 30 min, remove foil from the dish and baste the meatloaf with tomato sauce. I use a basting brush but you could use the back of a spoon. Also, you only want a thin layer of the sauce so that it will caramelise nicely on the top.
7. Put dish back in the oven uncovered for another 30 min or until the top looks nicely coloured. You could leave it in longer but I like the meat to be quite tender and moist so I try not to over cook it.
8. You can serve this however you like. I made rolls for lunch when it was fresh out of the oven, but we will be having the leftovers for dinner with steamed veggies. You could also have it with salad, or even on its own if meat is your kind of thing.

Feeling motivated

I am definitely one of those people who find it difficult to get motivated. I easily find myself in a rut and struggle to dig myself out. I think it probably has to do with anxiety or maybe just my personality.

I go through phases of wanting change. Whether it is moving the furniture around or getting super organised, there’s always something to work on or change within myself.

I get all the usual urges… Lose weight, be healthier, watch less TV, disconnect from technology, read more, move more, be organised, be happier…

It’s like I’m always on a mission to upgrade my life. Like I’m never truly happy with myself. 

It seems strange thinking about how this sudden burst of motivation came upon me. I was sitting on the couch and hubby was asking if I could come and help him clean Max’s bottles. I hesitated at first but then joined him in the kitchen where the benches were stacked with dishes and dirty pots from 2 days ago. I guess I had planned on cleaning them “in the morning” but the morning turned into the night and then into the next day. This was beginning to become a familiar story. Anyway. I started cleaning the bottles and just couldn’t stop myself and before I knew it I had cleaned the entire kitchen. 

I know what you are thinking… If I were a normal functioning adult then this would not be a big deal? And you’re right. But there is something inside me that makes it hard to function sometimes, even on a basic level. I think having a baby to look after is only bringing out those traits in me more. 

After I finished I looked at my kitchen and a overwhelming sense of relief passed through me. It must be true that a clean and tidy home makes you feel better in yourself. I can’t deny it now, the feeling is setting in. The motivation is swelling inside me. 

Maybe I should vacuum the rug? And after that I can sort the huge pile of papers I’ve been meaning to do, and then there’s the thank you notes for all of Max’s presents….

Oh no, what have I awoken.

…meal planning, budgeting, spring cleaning, hanging pictures, changing sheets….

Yep, better get your pens and highlighters ready.

…mending, folding clothes, scrubbing skirting boards, working on my blog, starting an online business…

I’m not kidding.

…maybe I should start yoga again?

I think I need a life coach. Or a glass of wine. 

Max

I just love him so much. It’s not often I let him sleep on me but I couldn’t help myself today. I managed to catch the end of a smiley dream. These are such precious moments. 

Max is a hungry baby. He is drinking 180ml every 4-5 hours and seems to still be hungry at the end of the feed. Not sure whether to feed him more. He is only 2 months old and I’m scared of over feeding him. 

He seems to be growing really fast these last couple of weeks. He was in 0000 up until recently but it seems like he is already growing out of some of his 000 clothes. He will be in 00 before we know it.

He loves getting his nappy changed. It’s pretty much the happiest he gets. We love singing and chatting to him and we always get the cutest smiles. 

He likes baths but doesn’t really like getting out and being dried. I haven’t mustered the courage to shower with him yet. I’m scared he will hate it and and then we will be stuck nude and wet and upset. I might try when stu is home so I can hand ball the wet crying baby to him. 

He is starting to make talking like noises which are super cute. I can’t wait til he can talk to me and tell me all about his little universe. I think he will be very talkative when he wants to be and very quiet when he doesn’t. He seems like he will know what he wants and will not be afraid to let us know. 

I have this dream of when he is a teenager that he will be tall like his dad. I can imagine when he hugs me I’ll get lost in his chest. I always pictured myself with sons. I want to raise him to be a hard worker, a gentlemen who is kind and honest. I want him to treat women like queens and to always open a door for a stranger. 

He is so handsome already and we have to pinch ourselves every day. We are so lucky.

 

Trip to the park

 
 

This was little Maxi’s very first trip to the park near our house, it was such a beautiful day as the leaves were turning and starting to fall. I love the colours of autumn, although they remind me of how temporary and fragile life is. The budding leaf is nourished and grows only to eventually shrink, fall and crumble. 

It makes me so excited to know that he will grow and change but sad as well. The inevitability of time passing is kind of scary. I can only hope I will be around to see it. I want to see the cycle of life, like the trees each year. I really hope I am lucky enough to grow old with my husband, and live to see my grandchildren and even great grandchildren. 

It also makes me sad to know my parents won’t be around forever. And that there will be a day where I will have to explain death to Max. I hope that day doesn’t come too soon. 

 

This photo cracks me up. He looks like a grumpy old man. 

Anyway, I can hear him in the other room calling for me… Better see if he’s ok.