The time has come, finally, to meet with a midwife at our chosen hospital. I was a little nervous to say the least, which was not helped by the fact I have been having some trouble with my work. Organising time off for appointments has proven a challenge. But I agreed with my manager to swap shifts so I could leave early.
My sister came with me because hubby was also having a hard time with work and was unable to get time off. So off we went to the hospital.
I have always suffered from anxiety, but only as an adult have I realised to what extent. Waiting for my name to be called was not too bad, but once it was, my heart started to beat out of my chest and I began to feel my body tense up.
I followed the midwife swiftly down a narrow corridor until she abruptly stopped and said, “On to the scales”.
This was hard for me. I had just finished telling my sister that I didn’t want my weight to be the focus of my pregnancy, to then be rushed off and weighed. Yikes.
Then off we went again, round a corner, and stopped again.
“Stand against this wall”
She proceeded to measure my height.
Again, off we went. By this time I was beginning to feel like I was being put through a distinct process, very dehumanising.
Then into a small room. We sat down and she went through the script in her mind. You know the one. The type of thing she says 20 times a day.
“Ok, lets go through some of your history and I’ll explain the role of the hospital in your pregnancy”….Or something like that.
What this actually meant was that we would spend the next 20 min filling our paper work where all I said was Yes/No etc. She proceeded to go through my blood results and record them on my record sheet.
“Ok now for the fun stuff”…Boy was this misleading.
She then went through about 10 brochures. Nothing exciting.
She barely stopped to take a breath, let alone ask me any questions about myself or get to know me. This was disappointing because there really was no point to discuss my anxieties or what I was expecting in this pregnancy. By this point I understood even if I did ask a question or start talking about myself that it would fall upon deaf ears. So when she asked at the end, “Any questions”, I just said no, and then a few awkward silences before she sent us on our way.
To be honest, not the best experience. I thought that she would be warmer and care more about how I was feeling rather than just filling out the paper work and showing me the obligatory brochures.
So I left the appointment no wiser than when I had entered. But with a lot more anxiety and disappointment.
I just hope the next appointment in 3 weeks time will be better because it is with the obstetrician and hubby will be there.
Til next time.